Please...handle with care...(Round 3 blog part 1)

Major issue facing my family:
I can’t believe I’m going to write this- God forgive me- someone in my immediate family was raped, and I won’t say who out of privacy and respect for that person, but I have never really been able to talk about this with anyone, so it’s freaking me out to write it now...She was young when it happened, and it was only a few years ago- it really torn my family apart. After it happened and the details came out, no one knew what to do, or how to act, and we all sort of drifted. I saw a lot of personality shifts, and we became a family that didn’t have time to laugh or joke, because we were struck in the heart by tragedy. The man who did it got away with a plea bargain, and only ended up serving a year in jail, a F**KING year- can you believe that sh*t? He’s out now, and she feels unsafe, my family feels unsafe. That’s our justice system America- people are free to rape, kill, and torture others without having to worry too much about consequences, it’s disgusting.

Childhood:
I hated my childhood, and I would never re-live it. Although I am glad now to have experienced the things I did, and learn so much so young, I could never do it again. I grew up poor, and my mother carried a heavy weight on her shoulders to raise my sisters and me. We lived in a little 2-bedroom apartment when I was really young, and a lot of times we would have to make sacrifices, and go without everyday things that people take for granted because she couldn’t pay the bills. If it hadn’t been for my amazing uncle Steve, I would not be here today, because we would have ended up homeless and probably dead; he paid our bills so many times I couldn’t even tell you. My mom would work all day every day, and while she was working we were at the babysitters house. The babysitter was an older, overweight woman who would sit in her recliner all day and watch soap operas. God have mercy on our souls if we bothered her while she was watching TV. The only time this woman ever got up was to eat and make us lunch- which was always a hot dog and plain potato chips (two things I will NEVER eat again). When my mom would come to pick us up, she’d be so tired she would go to sleep when she got home. So once again, we were in a way left alone. Now don’t get me wrong- I have an AMAZING mother, and she did the best she could, but she wasn’t there for most of my childhood- it just wasn’t possible for her to be because she had no help from anyone. It was never hard for me to make friends, I’ve always been a sociable person, but it’s always been hard for me to KEEP them. I’ve never learned how to make a relationship truly last (in a healthy) way because I never saw it growing up. When I start to get close to people I freak out and distance myself until the friendship, or relationship is just a spec of dust in the background.

Competitor:
I’m a very tough competitor because I have always had to try 150 times harder than most of the people around me to get what I want. I grew up with people telling me “you’ll never be able to do this or that” and it became my mission to not only prove them wrong- but prove myself right, that I could do whatever I wanted to. I will stop at NOTHING to get what I want, to be happy, and to find success. When it’s all said and done, and I’m alone with myself I have to be happy with who I am, and the only way I can do that is by giving everything my all, and never giving up. People may have advantages over me, but I doubt if anyone in this world has a stronger will or desire to get where I want to be than me. I guess that’s why I take this competiton to heart so much because I would love to have a break finally, don’t get my wrong, I am VERY grateful for the life I have as of NOW, but it hasn’t come easy.

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