Round 3 Misc. Q&A

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The biggest problem I face is being independent. I depend on other people to guide me through my own life. I can’t seem to make a decision without having the input of another person. I still live at home with my family because deep down inside I am scared to go out to the real world and fail miserably. I want to prove to my family I am not a complete screw up which leads into my other issue. The next major issue plaguing my life is trying to hard to gain acceptance from my father and trying to prove to him that I am still the same kid he raised no matter what lifestyle I choose to embark on. It sickens me to know that there are people out there with his mentality. I say and act like I have nothing to prove to anyone but, deep down inside he is the only person I feel I have something to prove. I do not know why I put up with it I guess I’m human. Another major issue that I face is accepting myself as a person. I know in the outside I act as if everything was alright but, deep down inside I feel as if I am a complete emotional mess. I think the main reason for this is my sexuality. Maybe I was born this way or maybe I wasn't. I am so confused as to what caused me to turn out the way I did. A lot of people just say accept it and live your life to the fullest but, I don't know if I could fully accept the fact that I cannot be a loving and caring father one day. I feel as if my adulthood and all the things a grown adult looks forward to was taken away from me somewhere between birth and now. I will not be able to marry a women and procreate kids with genetics similar to my own. People have the nerve to tell me that I chose to be who I am, they have no idea how easy their lives are. They don't have to put up with the emotional rollercoaster that being gay comes with its kind of unfair.

My childhood consisted of whips and chains and little kids handcuffed to storm drains. No I kid, I kid. My childhood was actually a lot better than the later days. We were a family. All united under one roof facing everyday issues together and growing from one another. I cannot emphasize enough how much I miss those days. I guess that’s what people call growing up. My father was still the distant one in the family. He was always out and about trying to make something of himself while my mother stayed home and took care of my brothers and I. My parents married at a very young age. My mom was 13 and my dad was 17 so obviously they were not economically stable to raise a family and it showed. We moved from dumpster to dumpster slowly building a foundation good enough to suit our families needs. There are some incidents in my early years that are probably better left unsaid. Bringing back certain memories just doesn't seem suitable for this blog.

There has been more than one major event that has molded and affected my family in different ways. The death of my brother at the age of 3 was the most devastating of all. Both of my older brothers getting into near death car accidents would fall under the top 3. It gave the family a rude awakening that God does not play games and made us realize that with the blink of an eye we can be taken from one another. People may wonder if my sexuality changed my family dramatically and that would be a no. I do not think the family unit changed as a whole just each individual person has had to learn to cope with it on their own accord. We are not a religious family so God was never brought into question when my secret came "out".

Describe myself as a competitor…. um lets see…If you are asking if I accept defeat no. I do not lose. I take any kind of competition seriously and will do anything possible to come out victorious. I am pretty athletic so I always feel as if I have something to prove to anyone who challenges me. I ran competitively for 8 years and took that very seriously and gave myself a hard time anytime I didn’t accomplish what I set out to do. My coaches throughout my running career thought me never to give up and never let the enemy know you are running low on fuel. I was thought always to show full power and intimidate my opponent throughout the entire race.

I want to be on the real world for multiple reasons. First, I want to show my family primarily my dad that I am not a screw up and I have grown up to be the man he always wanted me to be. Secondly, I have never left home. I have always been under my parents’ wings and haven’t really experienced living out on my own and discovering things for myself. I have always wondered what life would be like sharing all my thoughts and ideas with 6 completely different people and seeing how we interact with one another. I believe that is a true reason for wanting to be on the show. Showing the world that 7 completely different people can come together and overcome the obstacles they have to face in order to learn what makes each of them function in different ways. Thirdly, I think being on the Real World would be a rude awakening for me and it would not only help me grow as a person but, make me realize that life beyond mommy and daddy’s house is not all filled with smiles and daisies. Lastly, according to what the producers are looking for, I want to further my career in Photography. I have tried so many things in my 20 years of life and this is something I will not let go lightly. I have gained immense interest in the field and nothing will stop me from succeeding in this highly competitive jobmarket. The Real World season 20 will hopefully be an eye opener for the viewers and with the intensity and desire I am tackling this competition what stands between 6 strangers and endless opportunity is a few votes and producers who have set out to only look for the best. Enough looking I have arrived. People will vote for me because I stay true to who I am no matter what. I do not feel that I have to change myself to gain acceptance from the public. My life has a lot of different dimensions that I know a lot of the viewers can relate to. Everyone has a story to tell. Mine is just one that has to be told.

Do I drink alcohol? Yes, I drink when I’m with my friends or hanging out at the clubs or bars. I know i'm still underage but, has that stopped anyone before?. I generally drink to get a little over tipsy. I drink enough to make me feel like I can do anything and get away with it. I typically become really honest. I don’t hide anything nor do I care if I call you out for something trivial you did in the past. My friend know to stay on my good side when intoxicated because if I know something about you that no one else needs to know and you make me mad, most likely the entire bar will know by the end of the night. I guess secrets come out in excess when I’m under the influence. Typically I get away with it by just blaming the alcohol the next morning. I also sometimes not all the times get a little over confident and feel like I’m the big guy on the block and can take on the world by picking fights with anyone who looks intimidating. I usually target the big bad guys who could probably break me in 5 if given the chance. That’s when having amazing friends comes in handy.

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