meshkabob

Family

Oh here it goes, my family. How do even start this stuff? To understand my family you have to understand our past and ugh thats just SO MUCH! I could have a real world of my life, honestly no joke. or at least an oprah special of some kind. Guess I'll just start from the begining of what i can remember. My parents got a divorce when i was in the 3rd grade. Like half of American kids can vouch, they are definitely not fun or easy. My mom moved out and I lived with my dad for the next couple of years. Whoa, talk about a time where my child hood and my friends' totally differed. My dad would lock himself in his room for days; I'm talking practically weeks here. If he came out, it was to get food and go back...I rarely even saw that. I have a little brother who is 5 years younger than me and was only just starting school by the time my mom left. (Not that she was outta our lives or anything, but she didn’t have a place to live yet so we were stuck). Ne ways so I became the “mom” of the house. I took care of my little brother, fed him, dressed him, and walked him to and from school. Pretty much we survived off of top ramen and Mac and cheese. When we came home there would be mysterious holes in the walls or doors. “What happened to the door dad?” “Oh Nadine (his girlfriend) didn’t believe me that the door was hollow so I was just showing her.” Yup, you heard right folks, that was an actual serious excuse the man gave to us. I mean wtf are you thinking when u come up with something THAT lame. But guess what? I BELIEVED IT! I was my “daddy’s little girl.” He was a genius as far as I knew and I believed anything he told me. Ugh, anyways moving past my stupidity. Nadine didn’t last very long. He threw her out…literally threw this woman out, got the cops called on himself and everything. Some genius huh? That broad was crazy though. He must have been in a “throw ppl out” mood because he threw me and my brother out a few days later too. It was only for the day but it got worse when I convinced my brother to run away. We were caught, guilt tripped and grounded. Apparently we weren’t allowed IN our house but we were to live on the lawn. Eventually my mom could afford a place of her own so we would switch houses throughout the week. I remember driving by his house one day and seeing all of our stuff on the lawn. He was having a GARAGE SELL WITH OUR STUFF!!! Ah! He had the nerve to sell MY Stuff! My brothers stuff!!!! Who does that?! Some one no longer human I’ve concluded. He didn’t even tell us!! It was just out there. He changed his phone number and moved to So-Cal within the next week or two. Didn’t tell us that either. My mom won custody. A couple years after that I stumbled across all the court documents and secretly read them. That’s when I found out he was an alcoholic and a total coke head. That’s when I started putting things together I over looked (like holes to see hollowness). God I felt like the worlds biggest idiot! No one had ever told me! I felt so lied too and SOO betrayed and SOO stupid that I just stopped talking to my mom. She became on a need to know basis. Our relationship was smashed. I lost all trust in her. If its one thing I cant stand its lies. I mean ur talking to a girl who got pissed when she found out Santa wasn’t real. Lies just make u look retarded. I am definitely not a fan of looking retarded. After I graduated high school we started fixing things. I realized that I wasn’t stupid then, I was acting stupid now. We’ll never be how we use to, and ill never trust anyone like I use too either but at least we can act like a make-shift family. My dad…well he’s still an alcoholic and I think if it wasn’t for my g’ma kickin his butt I wouldn’t even know where he was today. But I do and we are also tryin to keep in some sorta touch. (We’ve mastered talking twice a year). He’ll never be my dad again but id like him to at least be part of my life in some way. I’m still VERY over protective of my brother and always will be. He has some serious self esteem and anger issues from all that…I guess part of me feels like that’s my fault so I have to look out for him now. I know I couldn’t help everything…but I didn’t try to either. Regardless of the fact that I was 9! 9! Who still feels guilty over stuff they did when they were 9?!? Well I guess I do. I mean you smash sand castles and break crayons but have u ever felt responsible for breaking your own brother? U can’t glue that back together. In an optimistic light, I’m kinda thankful for it all. With out it, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

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